Passion for Health and Fitness - What can we do when setbacks occur

"Technically Healed" so this is my FINAL post!

2009-09-01T09:42:00.009+01:00

Here is my very final blog post. Today is 1st September 2009. The reason for the final post today is because I got this pelvic stress fracture injury in September 2008 and have therefore completed almost 1 year. This injury had literally consumed and drained me this past year as you can see from the previous post.

I got another MRI scan at the end of July (10-months post injury). The results: pubic ramus bone is no longer fractured and is now consolidated. This was wonderful news but still confusing as to why the pain/discomfort clearly remains, particularly increasing the longer I am sitting. As a result I still cannot cycle or take any impact (e.g.: jogging etc). The most frustrating thing is the long sitting periods in work and college. I need to shift and move about often to relieve the pressure. I can go for long walks since June without any time limits but the muscle burn in the groin intensifies the longer I go. It starts as a mild sensation on the surface, only feeling muscular, but as time progresses it moves the longer I’m moving. The radiologist, physio and doctor cannot explain. All they can see is the new MRI scan results which show a fully healed bone and no more extensive muscular oedema or avulsion tears. Therefore the severely stress-fractured pelvic bone has finally healed!

Despite improvement, being much more agile and able to finally walk pain-free and wear heels again after such a long difficult time, the groin burn continues and especially noticeable with certain sudden movements and as mentioned - sitting is the worse. So I dug into further investigation with fellow pelvic sfx sufferers on our group blog about it. I setup this community blog last year and it has been very active since and growing in members. One of the best pieces of advice I have received recently on the blog is from a female radiologist who suffered this same injury due to long distance running. She explained to me that despite the MRI showing stress fracture bone to be finally healed & consolidated, Micro-fractures on the bone will remain for some time after which take longer to heal and still require much rest in order to heal. Therefore I am at a very vulnerable stage and cannot increase exercise attempts beyond walking for now as this would cause the muscle in the area to pull on the pelvic bones thus straining it. Despite the fractured bone healed, it’s not 100% there yet and as the pelvis is attached to many ligaments and tendons these are constantly pulling on and moving pelvis. Therefore these micro-fractures will take more time.

Until then I have more than enough to keep me busy and don’t miss running etc. Being without any real exercise or gym for so long now I have gotten use to it and really enjoy and appreciate long walks with friends. However since August my priorities have changed since starting Masters in college. There is not much time for exercise or much other these days while juggling fulltime job and priority of Masters Course. It's a very interesting and enjoyable challenge but time consuming with constant assignments, study and job to keep me very busy indeed! The increased challenges and distractions for my mind helps ensure continued physical rest also. But I will join the gym again in a few weeks when the short & darker winter days approach. I should then be able to do some gentle cross-trainer and swimming as more of a relief and escape from work and study than anything else!

Overall I am happy with this progress update 1 year later but running and pre-injury state is still a long way off yet. I will continue to share updates on our group blog. Thank you to everyone for your comments throughout my blog, your support and emails through this very tough year+
Things are finally good again and I will work hard on making it continue and maintaining positivity! Any further updates on our group blog only, here:
Group Blog Link

This is the final post until healed

2009-05-01T21:58:00.040+01:00

Today (May day!) marks 7 months since I got this infuriating & very confusing pubic ramus stress fracture. But I have learned & am still learning so much. I have decided that this will be the last post on my personal blog until healed. The next & final post will be one of delight when fully recovered. I was told by various people (doctor, physio's, orthopaedic & professor of sports anatomy etc) that it will take at least a year…

But since this, I had a long conversation with noted physiotherapist Gerard Hartmann (physio for athletes such as Paula Radcliffe, Sonia O’Sullivan, Eamonn Coughlin, Karl Lewis....). He explained the complexity of my pelvic fracture, which can easily take 18 months – 2 years in my case before recovered. SO, until then, here is a wrap up summary of the blog to date. I really look forward to writing the final post when healed, no matter how long more that will take!

Sept: Ran Berlin marathon 28th September for cancer. Wonderful & exhilarating experience. Trained very hard mixed with various races in the months leading up to Berlin.

Oct: Still limping since marathon with much groin pain. Doctor said it sounded like groin/muscle strain & prescribed anti-inflammatory tablets. They barely worked, still pain. Then I go physiotherapist…
End Oct: MRI scan diagnosis severe “stress fracture to the left inferior pubic ramus” with muscle avulsion tears etc.

Nov: Continue attempts of cycling & swimming only. Getting through this limited activity until the pain is too much then taking difene for relief. Still unaware of the severity & long-term nature of this injury.

Mid-Nov: Cellulitis infection in right foot. This is unrelated and separate to the fracture injury. Serious swelling, pain & inflammation in foot & up leg. Total 6-weeks with this. Bed/house bound with leg elevated & on crutches for 4 weeks before can return to work on crutches. Therefore this an enforced rest for fracture also…

Christmas Eve: Ease off the crutches & start walking slowly with only mild pain in foot (cellulites) but the pain from pelvic fracture clearly continues. Cycling 2-3 hours/day over Christmas holidays after 6-weeks of immobility & inactive. Pain still there but not as bad. Outdoors & air much needed after being housebound so long.

Mid-January: Pain too much from cycling & even walking form A-to-B. Referred to orthopaedic consultant. Isotope bone scans confirmed same severity of pubic fracture & no recovery. Instructed minimum 8-12 weeks of complete solid rest with 2-3 weeks of this on crutches. Not even swimming, walking or anything. Keep off feet as much as possible.

February, March - 1st April: Total & solid rest taken very seriously & aided by crutch(es). Minimal walking & not even able to stretch! During this time, my best friend of 25-years died of the same cancer that my Mum died of last year. At this point I reaLLy need my running & exercise passion to combat this. It’s my release outlet. But I’m on crutches! I’ll deal with it… and I did. It is impossible to describe the feelings (physically & mentally) of hitting rock bottom through this very tough period.

Start April: I say “right Lizanne we’re getting rid of this damn crutch now"..... Walking is much easier albeit very gently with mild limp & pain. A sudden movement or turn will send dagger into pubis. The pressure of sitting on the bone still remains. But I'm determined to only go upwards now & not allow this injury to take over everything.

Start Aqua-jogging group for injured athletes with Catherina McKiernan (Retired Irish Olympian runner) at out National Aquatic Centre. I last 2-3 aqua jog sessions of 45mins… the pain returns full force. Back to limp & total rest again after almost 2 weeks of showing improvement for the first time.

Mid-April: Catherina & fellow coaches advises me onto Professor of Anatomy & sports medicine and chairperson of The Irish Osteoporosis Society. The DEXA bone density scan showed no osteoporosis thankfully. Professor prescribed high calcium + Vit-D tablets, put on gluten-free & greatly fiber reduced diet to aid absorption of vits & minerals to aid bone repair.

Referred to a well-known Dublin physiotherapist. This is the latest update (May) after 2 physio sessions with him. Today I still have pain & continue to do stretching/strengthening core exercises only. Walking normally but it's minimal & slow. So I have now (1st May) reached 7-months no running or impact exercise. Walking gently A-to-B is OK but the pain more prominent after 20+ minutes on feet. I return to the Professor in a few weeks for more results of tests.

And my sanity?!? Absolutely fine. I have learned so much along my journey through this rocky section of my life. The way I see it is that these obstacles prove very challenging but by treating them as experiences to learn from, they can be put in the past & I know I will return to the good times eventually. Sticking to this philosophy. I setup a community group blog. The authors of this blog are people from all over who share the same experiences & frustrations with this pelvic fracture. The group blog provides the much needed understanding & support to each other. (Link below)

Next steps: A much needed holiday but not as active as I would like. Going on a 3-week South African camping safari tour soon. I will just have to take it easier than the rest of the group & be a spectator only for some of the activities! Starting my part-time Masters course in August at Smurfit Business College, UCD. I will continue working fulltime job through studies so until that kicks in, I want to take advantage of the free time by focusing on friends, family, work & life! This injury will no longer consume me as it has for too long now.

There are positives. I will get better because nothing lasts forever. This is just another experience (very difficult, upsetting & long experience admittedly) that will serve to make me a stronger person. It continues to put so many other things into perspective & provides valuable lessons. When I'm able to walk properly & get outdoors to enjoy any kind of exercise again I will be so grateful. It's amazing how much we normally take for granted!

Until my next post when healed, updates of progress will continue on our group blog. Click here: Group Blog

You can see the location of my pubic ramus fracture in this diagram and also see why it's sore when sitting - directly on the fractured bone!

New support group blog :-)

2009-03-25T09:46:00.010Z

I have adopted a new support group of people who truly understand what has taken over my life - as it has done the same to them. We all share the same understandings, frustrations & support each other in our group blog below.
My pelvis is in knots. Also the groin pain is changing again. Apparently this is ‘normal’ though and all part of the veryy longgg process! My updates continue on our new group blog with others here: pelvicstressfractures.blogspot.com

And our wonderfully active support group on runnersworld here: Chats with those who are experiencing the same.

Hope is fading rapidly but I must and will hang in there for the long haul!

2009-03-20T08:50:00.011Z

Its official: This is the most absolutely insane injury recovery process. Minimum of 1-year before walking and sitting pain free... and running probably never again. I have never, and will never, have my patience tested so much. It’s a small comfort to find these people experiencing exact same frustrations. It’s a very uncommon injury where only the few people who have it can really understand & relate. Have a quick look by clicking here:
People from Runners World with exact same.

Back to square 1: March 2009

2009-03-09T22:05:00.005Z

Full set of crutches again due to zero improvement from 6-weeks of total rest so far. I emphasise the word TOTAL. The limp & pain persists. Following review he said there would be no improvement whatsoever until ALL weight bearing is removed completely by using full crutches constantly. Admittedly I was only using 1 crutch and didn't bring to work while only limping there. The grey stick just doesn’t match any of my clothes and looks rather pitiful. Despite never applying any normal walking pressure during all this time - the limping was still too much pressure on the pelvis.

Did you know that “The pelvis supports the entire weight of the body and all muscles”? Therefore your pelvis is the most serious and worse possible place to get a fracture - particularly the inferior pubic ramus bone (in my case). I have genuinely been taking this rest business v-seriously ensuring as little need to move as possible. Sacrifices galore have been made to ensure no unnecessary travel or movement. But this evidently was not enough. Yes I know…. should have been using both crutches all along.

Receiving blog comments & emails from fellow sufferers, which is reassuring knowing I'm not alone even though the severity of stress fracture varies. For me the pelvis is severely fractured, wehey. I'm starting to wonder how much longer I can maintain the positive outlook and brave face. My patience with this total sedentary life can only stretch so far. Hearing friends speak of brighter sunnier days for walks and jogs in the park only puts more salt into the wound despite their good intentions. That feeling of pure bliss is now a distant memory. Bring on 'life'… soon again please God? Any comments welcome. (but not if referring to the idea that perhaps I may be now starting to reach insanity)

Update!

2009-02-22T14:30:00.005Z

My pelvic stress fracture continues. Up to 5-weeks so far of absolute total rest. Still a limp and using crutch as much as possible. The pain is frustratingly still the same with no improvement. But staying positive despite the rarity of success stories from few fellow sufferers around the world! Excellent forum here with comments from those also frustrated from lack of recovery. Click here: Stress Fracture of Pubic Ramus

February 2009:

2009-02-12T14:01:00.005Z

I was referred to orthopaedic surgeon January 2009 as the stress fracture was now constantly painful even when sitting or standing. He said the MRI scans from October (near 4-months prior) displayed a very problematic injury. He sent me for Isotope nuclear bone scans. By this stage I was limping and had already cancelled gym membership and put bicycle in storage. Any form of exercise was impossible.

Results of scans arrived: “Lizanne, I cannot emphasise enough how problematic this is. The pubic ramus bone is detached from pelvis. You must take absolute rest for minimum of 3-months. This is the only way it will ever heal. This means avoid walking from A-to-B. For 2-months of this on crutches to alleviate any weight bearing". I couldn’t believe that 4-months later this was even worse - despite not ever running/jogging in all these months but only some low-impact gym classes.

The main challenge initially was adjusting the mind to accept this long-term plan of absolute rest! I now needed to plan alternative evening and weekend activities to keep constantly distracted in order to further deal with this now constant and absolute enforced ‘rest’ for at LEAST 3 months! These activities would need to ensure minimum movement of course! I have now revisited my old passion of playing piano. Thankfully I haven’t forgotten the basics. I am also learning Spanish for beginners. I don’t necessarily aim to become a fluent speaker but enough to engage in general conversation. It’s not only the most widely spoken language in our world but also a beautiful and generally ‘easy’ language to learn. My main priority is to spend every weekend with friends and family. I’m enjoying re-living earlier days again by getting the train to different parts of Ireland to spend weekends with family and friends. Over the past few years my evenings after work/college running consisted of running and/or gym before any ‘relaxation’ time. The weekends also needed to consist of at least 1-decent run before chilling out. Things have changed a lot….

This huge change has been a struggle initially but I’m surprised at how quick and easy I have adapted! It was very upsetting and frustrating to accept even more bad news considering the non-stop misfortunes of the previous 22-months. After a few weeks of a very slowed down self, I feel my mentality and attitude is completely changed for the better. I have become far more laid back and happy. I’m really enjoying all this new increased time catching up with friends and family and taking up previous hobbies including lots of reading. The pain continues however and I'm still limping and using crutch (I won’t bring it to work though!). I’m learning and adopting some very important things already. The main attitude shift is no longer (1) complaining about on-going issues (2) dwelling on past circumstances (3) any negativity… A shift to only positive thoughts and energies has made me feel ultimately content, at ease and in control again :-)

“When you think negative thoughts and feelings, you are simply separating yourself from the world and others by sending out negative energy signals. Therefore, only attracting like back to like so more negativity and misfortune!

Competition is an example of separation – coming from a lack of mentality as you are saying there is a limited supply. (I have always been very competitive in every aspect of life). By doing this, you are saying that there is not enough for everybody so we have to compete and fight to get things. When you compete you can never win, even when you think you have won. By the law of attraction, as you compete you will attract many people and circumstances to compete against you! This I now understand :-)

A person who sets their mind on the dark side of life, who lives over and over the misfortunes and disappointments of the past is essentially praying for similar misfortunes and disappointments in future. If you will see nothing but ill luck in the future, you are asking for such ill luck! If you go back over your life and focus on the difficulties from the past, you are just bringing more of this into your life. By deliberately focusing only on what we want, we begin to radiate good feelings.

This is why I have chosen to accept this new way of thinking and break free from my previous patterns, routine and ways of thinking. To do this I am maintaining an awareness of my present thoughts and feelings and adjusting when necessary. I have a reminder throughout the day o become aware of my thoughts and feelings and adjust these if they are negative thoughts. Every day I am now also acknowledging gratitude for what I do have and what I can and will have. I have never had the time to think of just how grateful I am for all the positive things! Our thoughts are constantly being emitted, returning and creating our future. This may sound like the typical “self-help” baloney or just a simple affirmation "positive thinking" process… but it's a lot deeper than that. The law of attraction really IS “The Secret" to life...

October – January: The truth was a severe longterm injury. Why didn’t I listen?!

2009-02-12T11:52:00.003Z

October 2008: It was now 3 weeks since I was pain-free and able to run. I realised that I should be feeling OK now since Berlin marathon. All aches had gone but a severe pain persisted in the pelvic-groin area. Even if I wanted to try jogging the pain was too great. The doctor prescribed anti-inflammatories and painkillers for 2-weeks and advised that if pain continues thereafter I should go to physiotherapist. I continued to swim only but walking or exercise was not possible without too much pain. A few weeks later with no improvement I went to physio. After some checks his suspicions were fearful: “Lizanne, it’s really not good news if this is what it looks like – an extensive inferior pubic ramus stress fracture”.

This is a rare injury that “occurs exclusively in elite female longdistance runners”. Recovery of pelvic injuries are prolonged requiring a minimum of 3-months absolute rest where crutches are recommended for the first 2-months. He said I could return to gradual exercise in February (4-months later). I laughed. This was crazy. To properly diagnose this, an X-ray would not be enough. I was sent for an MRI scans which not only confirmed his suspicion but it was more severe than he first thought. The pubic ramus bone was detached from the pelvis and a lot of inflammation. For the next few weeks I was still in pain but by taking diafen everyday, the extent of pain was much reduced (camouflaged) by painkillers. Therefore against much strong advice from physio, I continued to go to the gym for low-impact exercises such as 20-min cross-trainer and 2-3 spinning classes/week. When I came home I would be limping and pain just as severe. Taking another diafen would relieve this and would continue this routine most evenings. I treated this like a usual injury thinking that: because I’m not running or taking any impact, the injury will eventually heal. Little did I know that I was only masking the severity of this injury. Not only creating further damage through light exercise, I was also constantly prolonging recovery.

I rarely remember ever having any bodily complaints before I started running a few years ago - except for the odd common-cold! Since ‘proper’ running, small and short-term ill health and injuries crept in and out. These continued and intensified up to now – resulting in an unimaginable complete halt to any exercise. Separate to the this problematic injury, I also got a deep infection in the foot last November. For absolutely no reason my foot suddenly swelled up like a balloon while in work. The pain was unbearable, my shoe wouldn’t fit and I couldn’t walk yet alone touch foot off anything. It was throbbing red. I was carried into doctors and straight away he could diagnose deep ‘cellulitis’ infection where an a huge abscess formed on foot, it was extremely painful and looked disgusting! I was confined to bed for 3-weeks on lots of meds unable to even drop foot below hip level. The pain and swelling was severe. After 3-weeks I could get around home on crutches but needed to keep foot elevated constantly to be pain free. I worked from laptop in bed to not just keep on top of work but to maintain my sanity!

I could finally return to work a week before Christmas on crutches; I was delighted to be back in the office and out of the house but still not recovered. I continued to stay positive by seeing those weeks of complete immobility as much needed “enforced rest” for the pelvic stress fracture. However, the stress fracture was on the other side of body (stress fracture of left pelvis and infection on right foot). Therefore I was hopping on crutches directly on the fracture side – putting full body impact on directly on the fracture. The pain in pelvis seemed lighter now from the painkillers I was taking for the foot! When I got off crutches after Christmas, I went out cycling almost every day (50-60km/day) to make up for 5 weeks of complete immobility. This continued until January. The pain was back – but now just as intense as when I first felt it in October. I was referred to orthopaedic surgeon...

The last time I have been able to run - The Berlin marathon September 2008.

2009-02-04T23:39:00.007Z

My life evolved around training and tapering in the months and weeks leading up to the Berlin marathon. I was determined to be as prepared as possible for optimum performance with the correct pacing, speed consistency, mental strategies, fueling and the all-important tapering process. The day itself was an amazing experience from the 5.30am breakfast fuelling to the post marathon adrenaline buzz! The atmosphere, support, weather and everything I could have wished for was on our side!

I was highly anxious in the final days, hours and minutes leading up to the marathon distance. Even the most experienced and accomplished veteran marathoners experience this as your daily life and decisions evolve around training over the prior months. You are always thinking, eating and sleeping this day. But it is important to remember that despite this detailed preparation you must also be prepared to accept inevitabilities and unforeseen barriers such as injury, ill-health (or family) and personal circumstances resulting in no marathon day. Second to this is the post-marathon risks and consequences such as getting injured which can lead to long-term and more serious injury. This is where I still am today since Berlin, except worse, and this is the primary influence for starting this blog!

From speaking with many fellow fitness and running enthusiasts, we can very much understand and relate to the sheer frustration of being seriously injured long-term. Losing fitness and body condition are only the physical consequences of long-term injury, which can be accepted. The main challenge is dealing with the mind. After a long day or stressful experience, releasing the stress through exercise and movement (preferably outdoors) is what makes me happiest. For me exercising is the ultimate adrenaline experience. It releases endorphins and gets the blood pumping that for me gives a feeling of pure relief. For many people winding-down means relaxing with TV, a book, or spending time with close family and friends etc. For others, it is exercise. When this is taken away – completely – and for a long period of time, it becomes very difficult to accept and find alternatives! Most injuries last a few days or weeks. These are easy to deal with. With adequate rest and sometimes physio, we’re back out there doing what we love best again :-) Only in rare incidents do some injuries unfortunately become a more long-term problem and setback.

March – September 2008. Running passionately for a purpose. Running for Mam

2009-02-03T22:37:00.013Z

March 2008: It was now 16-months later after non-stop stress and pressure. I was feeling more settled and living a more normal life routine. I decided to start fundraising for the Irish Cancer Society through running. The aim was to raise at least over €2,000 through sponsorship. I setout a “5-race series for Mam” challenge comprising 5 races between April and October:
April – Bupa Ireland. 10km
June – Flora mini marathon. 10km
July – Achill Island half-marathon. 21.1km
August – Adidas 10-miles. 16.1km
September – “Real Berlin” full marathon. 42.1 km
(October - Dublin full marathon: optional bonus)

I took the training programmes very seriously focusing on speed for the first 2 races and then mainly working on distance (50+ miles/week) for the half marathon and onwards. Unfortunately from the first race (April) I developed a problematic foot injury that persisted until after the half marathon in July. I approached the Flora race in June very hesitantly as the foot was not recovered and had worsened from continued training. Unexpectedly I completed flora feeling strong and ignored the foot niggles – which progressed to pain halfway through. It was only after the adrenaline had subsided that I realised more damage had been done. I didn’t think too much about it at the time as the next race wasn’t for another month and I would rest for the next week before training again.

The foot was not improving. I had a holiday booked to Majorca for end June to stay with Aunt living there. This was meant to be a “hot weather training” break before the Achill half marathon. It was also planned as a much needed relaxation holiday of course! I setout each morning from Palmanova and followed the paths out to the towns beyond. The sun was strong but the scenery running alongside the coast was beautiful. The foot held up to allow 6-mile morning runs for the first few days. These increased to 8-miles with minor foot niggling then maintaining a few 9-mile mornings. The one long run before going home (15-miles) was needed for getting in the distance beyond half marathon. After the 12th mile the pain was too strong. I stopped and started and ended up walking the final mile. The last 2-days were for resting the foot from running so I cycled along the coast to visit the surrounding towns and picked up some colour too - a nice shade of red!

The half marathon in Achill was a week after returning home from Majorca. I didn’t feel confident the foot would hold up but had tapered correctly during that week in preparation. The scenery throughout the race route on Achill Island was spectacular despite constant hills and frontal facing Atlantic winds! I had a bad fall at the 11th mile sustaining cuts, bloody knees, hands and elbows!

With just over 2 miles to go the adrenaline pushed me on and I finished in 1-hour 35mins coming in as 3rd female. It was the first (and only) race where I finished in a placing! The foot niggled throughout but the pain stayed at bay. The previous week of tapering (increased resting and fuelling) seemed to work well :)

In August I went to visit friends in Norway. This was planned as more of a holiday and fun times! But with the 10-mile race 1 week after I returned, the training continued. I scheduled 2-rest days in-between to allow for the planned nights out! Oslo was a very cold city despite being mid-summer and I didn’t pack accordingly! Shorts and vests were all I brought for running. When I returned home the race day itself was a disaster. The weather was awful with gusts of rain, hail and wind and my running was completely off-form. This was not the encouragement I needed in the last race before the big one - The Berlin full marathon in September….

End 2007 – end summer 2008: When it all started going downhill…. (Continued)

2009-02-01T22:21:00.006Z

I started job hunting when returned from New York while helping out at my Father’s workplace in the meantime. I got offered a position I was very happy with and started the day after the Dublin marathon on 31st October 2007. First day in the office I was walking like John Wayne. My body was in the peak of it’s post-marathon aching! Thankfully I’m still working there!

Mam’s chemo sessions continued and were due to end before Christmas. Graduation day’s for my brother and I were in November. Mam was greatly weak and sick from all the chemo but determined to make these occasions. She was in no condition to be there or even walk. Granny came to provide an arm for support. We left as soon as finished to bring her home. I understood she was extremely sick yet I was still confused at how quickly she deteriorated when she was meant to be getting better. A few days later she was back in hospital for treatment. She was held in longer and the days turned to weeks. One of us (Dad, brother and I) slept in her hospital room with her every night as she didn’t want to be alone and got use to us being there. It was exhaustive maintaining full-time jobs at the same time. Dad was now telling us that he had been underplaying her condition for our protection all along. I was angry that the truth was withheld but knew that his intentions were good. As Christmas was almost upon us I was determined she would be coming home for a wonderful Christmas and to put the miserable year behind us. The house was prepared for her arrival, Christmas decorations and tree up. With a few days left to Christmas she was completely bed bound and dependent on painkillers and other equipment. We got palliative care nurses organised to help over Christmas and a room downstairs converted to bedroom with the necessary equipment to ensure she would be as comfortable as possible.

I simply needed to run during any spare time possible – only to maintain some sanity and temporary escape. I came home from work and went for long runs on the evenings I wasn’t in the hospital. I spent every spare minute of the weekends running before going back to hospital. I was mentally and physically drained but didn’t have a minute to realise this. On 12th January 2008 it was my night to stay in the hospital. I listened to Mam’s heavy breathing slow down during the night and knew. Mam died with my arms around her. It was just the two of us. It was strangely peaceful.

The following weeks were of course were chaotic in every regard. I somehow completed the Raheny 5-mile race at end of January. In February my running almost ceased due to reaching absolute burnout. My body ached with pain and injuries. As the months rolled on I was emotionally very low from the impact of Mam’s passing. The events of the previous months were just starting to sink in. I hid this as best possible and always kept distracted to avoid getting upset. I was physically much improved however. I was doing shorter and less intense running in preference for gym classes. The spinning and weights classes were strengthening my body and decreasing the over-use of running muscles. The gym was also very sociable and I had made some gym buddies and started meeting similar minded people (fellow crazy fitness enthusiasts!). Running can be a very solitary and lonely sport. Despite sometimes running with friends or colleagues, the bulk of training is done alone.

Click on 'older posts' below to see how this all started! (January posts)

Running - as the only escape and relief… continued

2009-01-29T23:54:00.009Z

February 2007: The final thesis and project work commenced. Within two weeks of starting, Mam became very sick. After a few weeks of being in hospital for various tests she progressively worsened and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. The following 4-months was an erratic mix of thesis project work and hospital visits. I was trying so very hard to keep a focus on final year and thesis work and parents continued telling me to do this and things “will be OK’. It is only now, almost 2 years later, that I fully realise the emotional and physical stress and toll this took on me. For the next 4-months my days consisted of the same repetitive routine. I simply needed to get out for an early morning run each day to release some of the stresses of previous day and night. Feeling somewhat lighter I would relax during a big breakfast and then worked non-stop by cramming in as much as possible until evening. I then cycled across the city to hospital and spent time with Mam. I cycled back to college accommodation again working late into the night. The following days were a blur and repeat of each other. The only difference is that everything intensified: Mam’s condition, workload and stress putting enormous physical and emotional strain on my body.

Mam had the surgery in early April and then a few weeks recuperation before starting chemotherapy. I was now positive and hopeful that this was behind and she was on the mend. Naïve perhaps but Dad continued to reassure (or lie) only to protect both brother and I who only had a month or so of thesis hand-in left to go. A week after Mam’s surgery I ran the “Bupa Ireland” 10km race in the Phoenix Park. I was over the moon that Mam and Dad came to watch. Mam was my sole focus to run that race as hard and strong as I could. I really wanted them to be proud as they had never seen me run before!

I handed in final project end of May. I put my all into it and was genuinely happy and proud with final product but I almost didn’t care either way at this stage compared to the anxiety from when I started final project.. Throughout those months my perspectives on what is really important in life had greatly changed. Mam had surgery to remove the tumor in April and we were told she was stable. She was let home but going back for chemotherapy sessions every 2-weeks for the next few months. Father assured brother and I that she was going to be OK and the chemo was just procedure following surgery. It was our final few months of post-college summer before looking for “real jobs” as graduates after summer!

Before Mam was diagnosed with cancer, my friend and I had already organised a student visa travel programme in New York for the summer. I was very reluctant to go and wanted to be there for Mam during treatments. Following many discussions with parents and encouragement to go. The Flora Ladies minimarathon 10km run was held 2 days before we depated for New York at start of June. It was a huge mass race of thousands of participants, all ladies! I was very surprised to be within the first 50 finishers finishing in 41 minutes despite picking up a painful foot injury in the process!

We departed for New York to work for 3-months, returning end of August. I saw and chatted with Mam every single day on Skype video calls online. I was able to keep up to date with her treatment. She was sick but in denial about it all and never wanted to speak of it. But Dad assured me she was OK.

We lived and worked in Manhattan. New York summer was hot and I had the most beautiful running route for each day… running high up into the park over looking the George Washington bridge and running down to the Hudson river and into central Manhattan. I entered the Dublin City marathon online when in New York and started my training – a month before coming home with then 2 months to my first full marathon! I followed a well-devised training schedule and stuck to it religiously. My training schedules were treated as doctor’s appointments! I monitored my distance, pacing and timing through my wonderful garmin GPS forerunner watch! It was wonderful to see Mam when I returned, albeit more frail and weak. We threw a huge 25th Silver wedding anniversary party for parents where a few hundred family and friends joined the celebration. This was the last time many people would have met Mam….

Prior to the Dublin marathon, I completed the pre-marathon race series including adidas 10-mile and and the half-marathon

2006: When exercise and running became a daily priority and necessity - eventually causing burnout…. continued

2009-01-27T06:37:00.004Z

During Christmas of 2005 I decided to spend my college work-experience year abroad. I settled on Australia and moved to Sydney for work in January 2006. The first few weeks were spent job and accommodation hunting. I met a great bunch of friends and felt at home within no time. With long free sunny days ahead before finding work, I went out for my morning run then spent the rest of the day walking around city looking for work! When I returned in early evening it was impossible to resist another run. It would feel wrong not to go out again in the sunny cheerful evenings while waiting for friends to return from work. I did not yet notice the affects of the considerably dramatic increase in activity and this kind of lifestyle soon took a toll leading to burnout. I was running under the intense Australian sun both morning and evenings breaking a sweat within seconds. Between this I was almost constantly walking.

With the predominantly outdoors Australian lifestyle coupled with the hot weather, there was not as much need for cooking big hot meals. I adopted the Australian lifestyle easily and rarely cooked in evenings - making a preference for salads and bowls of cereal after the evening run before shooting out again to meet friends. The only dinners and hot food were over barbeques or eating out at weekends. I started working full-time but managed to continue the same amount of activity. It took only a week before I was feeling constantly drained and fatigued. My legs were incredibly heavy and my body felt like lead. I felt connected to a ball-and-chain that would not release me. Running was becoming almost impossible and I was dizzy and nauseous when walking to work. My friends said I was looking very pale so I eventually visited doctor. I was highly anaemic. My iron and haemoglobin levels were dangerously low. I was sent to hospital for a blood transfusion. I was referred to a specialist and within weeks I was much improved. Due to considerable iron intake and return of enough red blood cells, oxygen increased and I was no longer continuously fatigued. This was when my keen interest and knowledge of foods developed. I learned the importance of balanced nutrition, particularly if prone to anaemia. I continued running through the year living in Australia albeit only once a day now. I was consumed with ensuring I had a full nutritionally balanced diet with calorie and carb-rich foods to ensure adequate fuel for running. I encountered a few calf and foot injuries over the months but would lose only a week or two of running each time for recovery.

I experienced Australia living and travel to the full while also working full time, seeing friends and going out at weekends. However, I continued to maintain running with core and stretching exercise habits each evening after work before I allowed any fun and relaxation! My friends thought it was admirable but sometimes compulsive if I were late for an evening event due to my run taking first priority!

I ran the Sydney “City to Surf” 14km in August 2006 and the Perth “City to Surf” race a few weeks after this in 48 minutes. The adrenaline rush after these races was the kick-start to a continued desire to compete in as many races that were within my reach. I returned home to Ireland for 4th and final year of college. My friends and family were shocked at how “skinny” I had become. I assured them that I was eating just as much and it was a result of running and exercising more. My parents were highly concerned from my appearance so on the weekends that I came home from Dublin, my mother was persistent on getting as much food into me as possible. I was more than happy to consume her delicious home cooking and baking - and this greatly relieved her too!

In December 2007 the “Dublin Port Tunnel” was finally opened to the public after a few years of construction work. To mark the occasion, a once off event was held. The “Dublin Port Tunnel” 10km race was organised with quite a limited number of entries due to the high demand and popularity of the occasion and also due to the width of the tunnel to allow for so many people. I was lucky enough to partake and the atmosphere was electric. I completed this 10km in exactly 41 mins. This was my first 10km race in Ireland. Unfortunately there has not been, nor apparently will be, another opportunity to hold a Dublin Port Tunnel run again due to it’s fulltime operation to traffic since.

Early stages continued… 2003: Moving to the “big smoke” for University and how my ideas of fitness reached a new level

2009-01-22T10:47:00.004Z

I moved into campus accommodation in Dublin City University on a last minute cancellation so I had no idea who my new flat mate would be… It was Fionnuala Britton - national and international elite runner who represented Ireland in Beijing Olympics 2008. On first meeting the very first thing I noticed about this girl is how incredibly thin, small and very fit looking she was. She was such a lovely and friendly but fairly quite reserved girl. The first morning I got into my usual baggy tracksuit bottoms and jumper for my morning jog. I was surprised to see Fionnuala emerge from her bedroom in the very early hours also - but kitted up as a REAL runner-type and ready for a “jog”… I thought. Later that evening we were chatting. I told her I jogged everyday and she simply said that she is a runner… but not to what extent. Of course it only took a few days for me to learn that her whole life literally evolved around running and competing at a very high level. She told me about the DCU athletic club weekly training (running and circuit training) which encouraged all standards. I joined the Athletics club, media societies and the badminton club at the “Clubs & Societies” days. I had played badminton in school and it was a team sport that I really enjoyed so no harm in trying again.

From training with the bunch of DCU elite athletes on their weekly runs (Of course I stayed with the non-elites of my own level and jogging standard), I got my first taste of what running really was. The elites completed rigorous speed and fartlek sessions in the sports field while a group of us more normal runners ran repeat laps around the field chatting as we went along! The circuit training sessions coupled with my morning jogs increased my speed, strength, distance and more notably – my endurance. I was not losing breath as easily. I was starting to learn what real fitness entailed. I soon realised how ineffective and almost pointless my short and slow morning jogs once were. Living with Fionnuala for those months and getting an insight into her strict lifestyle was a real eye opener. I learned a lot during this time where my life and mindset started to change completely… to where I am at these past 3 years.

I was ladies team captain for DCU badminton team and we trained together twice a week and played at least 1 match a week in the Leinster leagues. This gave me the opportunity to play in a team sport and really enjoy it! I trained for matches with ladies doubles and substituted on matches for the mixed doubles teams (which was even more fun!). You would be surprised at how much fitness and energy that is required for hopping around a small badminton court. I found that I was now very active at least 6, sometimes 7 days a week. This was a huge jump from my previous life. However, my excessive food intake and love of chocolates, breads and junk foods continued. I did not mind this as I felt I was always burning it off now anyway.

The Intervarsity running relays were held in Maynooth each year and I was in the DCU relay team during 1st and 2nd years. There were about 5 teams and I was on the lower “D” team but still - all teams and individuals results had an impact on our (DCU) overall performance. The adrenaline rush and sense of achievement after my first experience of “racing” was amazing. DCU won over all colleges both those years. I knew I could in no way regard myself as being anywhere close to the level of running they were at. But I felt proud to feel a part of this great team of athletes and at the after dinner party where DCU were presented their Trophies :)

2004-2005: My second year of DCU I could now classify myself as a runner! I was wearing the proper attire (running tights and tops etc oppose to baggy sports pants!) and doing a 50-60 minute run at good pace most mornings. This was a significant difference compared to the 20 minute jogs stopping for a break every few minutes! I continued DCU badminton matches and some training with DCU athletics and intervarsity relay race again that year.

My increasing fitness endeavors were starting to take more hold over my social and family life through the 2nd year at DCU. However my college and study commitments stayed intact and even improved. My growing passion for fitness actually contributed to a sense of further ambition, achievement and desire to succeed. I still enjoyed the usual student life and student nights out with friends every week. But I started carefully planning these weekly nights out to ensure I could make up for the effects of the excessive drinking, post night out junk food consumption and inability to exercise the next day. I would often double up my activities the day before or 2 days later to compensate for the big-nights out…

When and how my “passion” started to emerge!

2009-01-21T10:54:00.003Z

Throughout school years I was as active as most of my peers. I would do the mandatory gym classes in school and was ‘forced’ into hockey and basketball. Like many of the girls in school, when the weekly gym/sport class arrived I often “forgot” my gym gear or had a well fabricated excuse ready. The standard excuse of “I don’t feel well” was not good enough for the teacher and there was usually some form of punishment. But the risk was worth it.

I often detested the challenges that came with team sports – the roaring coaches telling you to run faster and do more warm-up laps, the team rivalry, overly competitive team-mates and opponents and the restraint of having no individual choices when you must be at training and matches for particular times. I enjoy working in a team together – on the same side helping each other. But put a group of young schoolgirls together in a team-sport environment then the real concept of “team-work” is non-existent! The only positives were the brief joyous feelings when we won a match against another school-team. The rest was mainly miserable!

(2001 – 2002) I happily completed my final year of high-school exercise and sport free. This was probably the peak of my most inactive and unhealthy lifestyle. I ate far too much - comfort eating constantly to alleviate study and exam stress. When my boyfriend (at that time) and I met each other in-between school times, time spent would always evolve around food: dinners out, large breakfast rolls, late evening gorging on chipper fast food, chocolates, burgers etc… and no exercise whatsoever. This never bothered me nor did I realise how excessive it was. As I am quite tall and was very young then (17-18 yrs), body image and weight never went out of control. I was a decent size 12-14 and very unfit to say the least. I viewed exercise as too much effort and a chore, like many people do….

(2002 – 2003) When I started college in Dundalk Institute of Technology my love of junk food (particularly chocolate & cookies) continued and I remained inactive. The summer before college I just worked and partied. Moving away from home and starting college after that summer was the start of a much healthier lifestyle and mindset. The girls I live with suggested we start the aerobics class in the college. It was upbeat and fun but very challenging! The instructor, a wonderful lady from Northern Ireland, was a national runner and fitness enthusiast! Her ultra high cardio 1-hour classes discouraged many people and pushed them away after trying to keep up with just a few classes. I stuck with it along with a few others as I was actually enjoying this new feeling of fitness while still having fun. It was giving me more energy too. This aerobic teacher was in her 40’s and so energetic, fit, toned and always smiling. She was literally like a Duracell battery bunny that had lost the switch-off button. I felt flabby and unfit and was determined to keep up with this class! She started taking us out to the college sports fields to run a few laps for half of the classes. I didn’t like the idea: but this is where my Love of running actually started!

During that 1st year of college I managed to get out early most mornings and jog (I mean just jog) up to the center of the town and back – thanks to this woman and her encouragement. She believed we could all be athletes! It was only 1-mile and back jogging slowly. I was out of breath but I got into the habit of treating this morning jog as a new routine. However, I did not let this new fitness pursuit take over my life. I could miss a few days which was no big deal…

Why blog about my passion for Fitness & Health?

2009-01-20T22:26:00.001Z

The main reason for starting this blog is so that I can keep a personal diary that shares my positive experiences and stories from my life of fitness, activity and good health. But when things go wrong – how do we teach the mind to accept significant lifestyle changes as a result, finding alternatives and new expectations?

Another purpose for this blog is that I hope it will provide some interest to those of you who share a passion for fitness and health and have also experienced setbacks (long-term and short-term), injuries and health issues. As a long-distance runner I have had my share of injuries and have been dealing with an on going long-term injury these past 4-months. I am interested in sharing thoughts on how we deal with the powerful feelings and frustration when we cannot do what we love. It is important but sometimes difficult to find other alternatives - like developing other interests in your life when injuries and health issues occur which limit or even cease your active lifestyle for a time.

I will be updating my thoughts and progress on this regularly. I will start by giving a brief summary of how, when and why this “passion” started and intensified leading onto more recent and current commentary!

For those of you who share a similar passion - you will understand the almost obsessive behaviour, frustration and outcomes that can happen as a result of sometimes losing a balance and allowing ideas of achieving optimum health and fitness take over your life.

At the end of the day we all want to be healthy, fit and happy but must find the proper well-rounded life balance in order to achieve this with minimal limitations.
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Stay tuned for regular updates! Feedback comments welcome :-)