I started job hunting when returned from New York while helping out at my Father’s workplace in the meantime. I got offered a position I was very happy with and started the day after the Dublin marathon on 31st October 2007. First day in the office I was walking like John Wayne. My body was in the peak of it’s post-marathon aching! Thankfully I’m still working there!
Mam’s chemo sessions continued and were due to end before Christmas. Graduation day’s for my brother and I were in November. Mam was greatly weak and sick from all the chemo but determined to make these occasions. She was in no condition to be there or even walk. Granny came to provide an arm for support. We left as soon as finished to bring her home. I understood she was extremely sick yet I was still confused at how quickly she deteriorated when she was meant to be getting better. A few days later she was back in hospital for treatment. She was held in longer and the days turned to weeks. One of us (Dad, brother and I) slept in her hospital room with her every night as she didn’t want to be alone and got use to us being there. It was exhaustive maintaining full-time jobs at the same time. Dad was now telling us that he had been underplaying her condition for our protection all along. I was angry that the truth was withheld but knew that his intentions were good. As Christmas was almost upon us I was determined she would be coming home for a wonderful Christmas and to put the miserable year behind us. The house was prepared for her arrival, Christmas decorations and tree up. With a few days left to Christmas she was completely bed bound and dependent on painkillers and other equipment. We got palliative care nurses organised to help over Christmas and a room downstairs converted to bedroom with the necessary equipment to ensure she would be as comfortable as possible.
I simply needed to run during any spare time possible – only to maintain some sanity and temporary escape. I came home from work and went for long runs on the evenings I wasn’t in the hospital. I spent every spare minute of the weekends running before going back to hospital. I was mentally and physically drained but didn’t have a minute to realise this. On 12th January 2008 it was my night to stay in the hospital. I listened to Mam’s heavy breathing slow down during the night and knew. Mam died with my arms around her. It was just the two of us. It was strangely peaceful.
The following weeks were of course were chaotic in every regard. I somehow completed the Raheny 5-mile race at end of January. In February my running almost ceased due to reaching absolute burnout. My body ached with pain and injuries. As the months rolled on I was emotionally very low from the impact of Mam’s passing. The events of the previous months were just starting to sink in. I hid this as best possible and always kept distracted to avoid getting upset. I was physically much improved however. I was doing shorter and less intense running in preference for gym classes. The spinning and weights classes were strengthening my body and decreasing the over-use of running muscles. The gym was also very sociable and I had made some gym buddies and started meeting similar minded people (fellow crazy fitness enthusiasts!). Running can be a very solitary and lonely sport. Despite sometimes running with friends or colleagues, the bulk of training is done alone.
Click on 'older posts' below to see how this all started! (January posts)
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